Can you “choose” to love someone romantically? - Tina

No and Yes...

I know. Strange. You get no choice in loving someone romantically, and at the same time, you do have a choice in who you love...​

When I was young, I fell head-over-heels for a beautiful, caring, lovable woman. There was no choice that I loved her. When we were apart, I couldn't rest, couldn't sleep, couldn't eat. I set my mind on what I would say when we met again; what she would say to me, and what we would do during our short time together.
I worried about her all the time and told her so, and I told her how much she meant to me. She was the centre of my world.

There was no choice to the way I felt!

If you hit your thumb with a hammer, do you choose to feel the pain the blow brings?

Choosing to love someone, therefore, is easy to answer when you see love as an experience and know how love feels at its height.

But there is another side to love!

I knew how much I loved her in the way she made me feel, but could I love her by committing myself to her. By telling her, I would be there for her wherever and whenever she needed me. By her knowing: I was her man, and she was my woman as soon to be husband and wife. By letting her know, I bestow so much value upon you that I will sacrifice all that I have and more, including my life.

This is the other side of love - commitment, possession and bestowed value.
These three as one - when someone says, I Love You - are the commitment of love.
Just listen to Adele's lovely song Water Under the Bridge and you will understand what I mean.

I'll tell you what to listen out for…

She says to her beloved at the start that she is the one for him as she brings him to his knees, and he holds her the way lovers do. In these lines, she sees that he feels love for her.

She then says, he is the one for her as she has been with him so long - through the ups and downs of love - and hates the idea of being free - she wants him to be her keeper (her lover in a commitment sense).

Now to the chorus, she asks that he is gentle with her in his refusal to love her (as a commitment), but before he rejects her, he should remember their experience of love. The reason being: if he feels love, then he might decide to commit his love as well.
​
This all leads to the problem of their relationship. I will let Adele tell you herself:

What are you waiting for?
You never seem to make it through the door
And who are you hiding from?
It ain't no life to live like you're on the run
Have I ever asked for much?
The only thing that I want is your love

The only thing she wants is his love. But, the love she seeks is not his feeling love; he feels love for her already without choice; the love she seeks is his committed love.

But he’s holding back.
Why?

We don't know.

All that can be gleaned is he is reckless!

And in case you are wondering, the woman I speak of is my wonderful wife who I have been with for over 30 years.

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