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What's the strategy should I apply when I love someone who it seems will never love me in return? - Sarah

25/5/2019

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Unfortunately, you are in a state of infatuation.
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If you watch the movie Forrest Gump you will see this kind of love in action. Forrest romantically loves Jenny, but she will not return his romantic love. Instead, they have a friendship that remains close, yet unfulfilled for Forrest, which Forrest fails to fully understand.

The BIG question is, do you think your relationship has the potential to become a romantic one? If not, can you be satisfied with friendship alone?

Being friends only is not necessarily a bad thing. The elements of friendship are very close to romantic lovers:
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  • Deep levels of trust between you both
  • A strong sense of equality regardless of your jobs, wealth and social status
  • Liberty where you respect each other’s choice in everything

These elements underscore a deep bond where, as with all loves, you value your loved friend immensely, you are committed to be there for them wherever and whenever, and with huge pride, you consider them your friend, and they do all of these things with you.
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But absent is the sexual intimacy that comes with romantic love. For some, this can be too painful as it means they must suppress jealousy when their friend takes up a romantic relationship with another lover.

Your Strategy

Choose friendship and develop the elements above, or choose romantic love and develop the relationship in that direction by telling them how you feel. However, with the latter, you run the risk of rejection by them and in doing so may lose a friend on the way.
If you watch the movie Something Borrowed you will see how good friends behave when one is infatuated with the other (Ethan loves Rachel) in the face of suppressed jealousy as Rachel dates Dex.

hat is interesting is how Rachel reacts when Ethan tells Rachel how he feels about her, and how as a friend she remains close to him. This may not reflect your reality so you need to read your personal situation.
You may also find Luther Vandross’ song Friends can be Lovers interesting.​

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